Jenny Everywhere: Pratfall
Jan. 11th, 2022 10:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scott_sanfordAristide Twain recently wrote a story about Jenny meeting Death of the Endless. (It's titled Psychopomp, it's available on Archive of Our Own, and you should go read it.) There are two modern British writers who have brought us memorable incarnations of Death, and while I am neither Gaiman nor Pratchett I did have enough inspiration to produce a brief imagining of that other meeting...
The story starts with Jenny falling and title is of course a pune or play on words. I make no apologies.
PRATFALL
written by Scott Sanford
cover art by Aristide Twain
“Ow!” Jenny cursed briefly as she landed flat on her back in the sand. “That hurt!”
It dawned on her that she’d not been on a beach a moment earlier. She looked around and found herself in a desert, with low dunes stretching away to the horizon, shimmering and silver under a night sky with no visible moon.
Nor was she alone. A few yards away stood a tall figure wearing a hooded cloak the color of a black hole’s event horizon.
IN THAT CASE I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, the figure said, in exactly the voice of someone who would see every living thing from the creation of the universe until its final end. YOU HAVE REACHED THE PLACE BEYOND HURTING.
“Oh. So, it’s you. And it’s today,” Jenny said. She didn’t sound happy but many of his clients were much more distressed at this point. She took a moment to check her body, which was sprawled in an undignified manner in the sands but in one piece and with no unexpected perforations.
YES. He spoke with the inevitability of, well, him.
“There’s a lot of me, you know. Are you sure you’re here for me and not another Jenny Everywhere?”, she asked, standing up and brushing herself off.
The robed figure wordlessly extended a skeletal hand. It held a richly decorated hourglass of gold-chased octiron that bore the name Jenny Everywhere inscribed in the pictograms of the Agatean Empire. Inside, the sands had finally all run to the bottom.
“Yeah, that’s mine,” Jenny said, nodding. She put forth her own hand and the contents shifted, rainbow light shining through the glass.
She watched the figure raise the hourglass to where a human would keep a face and slowly turn it in front of his eye sockets. There were decades of sand in the upper bulb. He could judge the sand to the minute; she only cared that it was enough.
He fixed his gaze upon her, Jenny’s brown eyes meeting his stygian blue sockets.
SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT IS NOT FAIR, he observed.
“Didn’t you once say, ‘Iɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪs ꜰᴀɪʀ. Iɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴍᴇ’?”
WORDS TO THAT EFFECT, YES.
“It’s okay to call ahead next time,” she said, shrugging. “I know you’re way more punctual than I am.”
I MEET ALL CREATURES AT THEIR APPOINTED TIME.
“And don’t think we don’t appreciate it! I mean, a lot of the time we don’t, but showing up at the wrong times would be a lot worse.”
IN MY EXPERIENCE VERY FEW MORTALS APPRECIATE CASUAL VISITS.
“I’m willing to make an exception if you are. Everybody needs to hang out with other people once in a while. But can we take this up later? I’d love to stay and chat, but there was this giant scorpion threatening some kids. Do you mind if I go deal with that?”
IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU TO WORK QUICKLY, he told her. He raised his other hand to display another, smaller hourglass. This one only had a few flecks of sand in the upper bulb. I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE SCORPION IN NINETY TWO SECONDS.
“I’m on it!”, Jenny promised, grinning. “See you later!”
She stepped sideways into infinity and vanished, leaving a brief spray of rainbows behind her.
The lone figure considered the full hourglass again and emitted the sound of a sigh. It was a very useful expression he had picked up from humans, who also provided him most of his reasons to need to sigh.
WE DO THIS EVERY TIME.
The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.
The story starts with Jenny falling and title is of course a pune or play on words. I make no apologies.
PRATFALL
written by Scott Sanford
cover art by Aristide Twain
“Ow!” Jenny cursed briefly as she landed flat on her back in the sand. “That hurt!”
It dawned on her that she’d not been on a beach a moment earlier. She looked around and found herself in a desert, with low dunes stretching away to the horizon, shimmering and silver under a night sky with no visible moon.
Nor was she alone. A few yards away stood a tall figure wearing a hooded cloak the color of a black hole’s event horizon.
IN THAT CASE I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, the figure said, in exactly the voice of someone who would see every living thing from the creation of the universe until its final end. YOU HAVE REACHED THE PLACE BEYOND HURTING.
“Oh. So, it’s you. And it’s today,” Jenny said. She didn’t sound happy but many of his clients were much more distressed at this point. She took a moment to check her body, which was sprawled in an undignified manner in the sands but in one piece and with no unexpected perforations.
YES. He spoke with the inevitability of, well, him.
“There’s a lot of me, you know. Are you sure you’re here for me and not another Jenny Everywhere?”, she asked, standing up and brushing herself off.
The robed figure wordlessly extended a skeletal hand. It held a richly decorated hourglass of gold-chased octiron that bore the name Jenny Everywhere inscribed in the pictograms of the Agatean Empire. Inside, the sands had finally all run to the bottom.
“Yeah, that’s mine,” Jenny said, nodding. She put forth her own hand and the contents shifted, rainbow light shining through the glass.
She watched the figure raise the hourglass to where a human would keep a face and slowly turn it in front of his eye sockets. There were decades of sand in the upper bulb. He could judge the sand to the minute; she only cared that it was enough.
He fixed his gaze upon her, Jenny’s brown eyes meeting his stygian blue sockets.
SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT IS NOT FAIR, he observed.
“Didn’t you once say, ‘Iɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪs ꜰᴀɪʀ. Iɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴏɴʟʏ ᴍᴇ’?”
WORDS TO THAT EFFECT, YES.
“It’s okay to call ahead next time,” she said, shrugging. “I know you’re way more punctual than I am.”
I MEET ALL CREATURES AT THEIR APPOINTED TIME.
“And don’t think we don’t appreciate it! I mean, a lot of the time we don’t, but showing up at the wrong times would be a lot worse.”
IN MY EXPERIENCE VERY FEW MORTALS APPRECIATE CASUAL VISITS.
“I’m willing to make an exception if you are. Everybody needs to hang out with other people once in a while. But can we take this up later? I’d love to stay and chat, but there was this giant scorpion threatening some kids. Do you mind if I go deal with that?”
IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU TO WORK QUICKLY, he told her. He raised his other hand to display another, smaller hourglass. This one only had a few flecks of sand in the upper bulb. I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE SCORPION IN NINETY TWO SECONDS.
“I’m on it!”, Jenny promised, grinning. “See you later!”
She stepped sideways into infinity and vanished, leaving a brief spray of rainbows behind her.
The lone figure considered the full hourglass again and emitted the sound of a sigh. It was a very useful expression he had picked up from humans, who also provided him most of his reasons to need to sigh.
WE DO THIS EVERY TIME.
