Fragments 2023: Superb Owl, A & E, etc
Feb. 14th, 2023 12:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scott_sanfordVarious tidbits too small to stand on their own. The completely arbitrary cutoff is 500 words; longer than that and stories get their own files.
You may enjoy other very short works, either earlier (2022) or later (2024, 2025).
Superb Owl (12 February 2023) It's an old and silly pun
A & E (24 Feb 2023) More silly word play, in the Nine-Two-Five universe
Employee Training (13 Aug 2023) What's Laura Drake been telling people?
(12 Feb 2023) This scene came to me in the car as I was driving home and I typed it out in a few minutes. Yes, it's a very old pun.
Jenny Everywhere in
Superb Owl
by Scott Sanford
Sunday, 12 Feb 2023
Somewhere in America:
*shift!*
Jenny Everywhere appeared in Laura Drake’s bedroom, her goggles down over her eyes and her clothes in chaotic disarray. There were twigs and leaves in her hair and a large owl in her arms.
“Laura! Laura!”, she cried. “Look what I brought you!”
“What on Earth is that?”, Laura demanded.
“It’s an owl!”, Jenny explained with a grin. “For Superb Owl Sunday! I brought you an– *ack!*”
The owl wiggled out of Jenny’s grip and leapt into the air, knocking Jenny over onto Laura’s bed and flapping wildly around the room.
“Oh God look out!” Laura ducked under the confused bird and put her arms over her head.
The owl found the room’s open door and flew majestically out into the rest of the apartment.
“Aw, man, that was the best owl I could find…” Jenny sighed.
“Thank you?”, Laura ventured. A soft rain of feathers slowly settled to the floor around her. She sighed too. “We can do something later – but first, please help me get the owl out...”
In which I commit stupid word play again.
If you aren’t familiar with the Nine-Two-Five Universe, you’re welcome to read up on it at the link. Or not; you should be able to follow along either way.
Jenny Over-There in
A & E
by Scott Sanford
24 Feb 2023
The phone rang again, as it always did.
The woman answered it, as she always did.
“Hello?” She listened for a few moments and said, “It’s in your desk drawer.”
She hung up the phone.
Almost immediately it rang again.
“Hello, Multidimensional–” The person on the other end spoke, interrupting her.
“In your pocket,” she said, and hung up. “Idiot.”
As if summoned by the word, her only halfway worthwhile coworker burst into the room, thankfully through the door this time, and hurried over to her desk.
“Jenny!”, Dynamite Thor announced loudly, “I am going out to get lunch!”
He struck a heroic pose suitable for a superhero, an avocation from which he was supposed to be retired, looking very proud of himself. He was a striking figure, a broad shouldered man wearing a scarlet shirt bearing an explosion logo and utility belt laden with dynamite.
“Have fun,” said the woman, who had not been described.
“Don’t you want anything?”, Thor asked.
Jenny Over-there sighed listlessly, considering the possibilities.
“Hello,” said another voice. Unnoticed another person had arrived. He was a gray, unremarkable figure wearing a badly fitting gray suit. He was also someone who showed up at MFS despite not working there, which might be his only unusual quality.
“Can I… help you?”, Jenny ventured.
“It seems unlikely,” the colorless visitor intoned. “Few mortals linger for long so deep in the back rooms.”
“This is our main room, boss!”, Dynamite Thor said. “You remember, it’s where you put the phone.”
“I’m sure I did not,” said the stranger blandly.
“But… it’s right here…” Thor looked to be sure and found the red telephone on the desk where he expected it. He stood turned back to the drab visitor, confused.
“These are the offices of the Multidimensional Finders Service,” Jenny told the new arrival. “May I ask who you are?”
“You may call me the Man in Gray.”
“We know who you are, boss!”, Dynamite Thor told him, completely oblivious to the glare he got from Jenny.
“Are you aware that your employer has been operating without a Talisman of Restriction?”, the Gray Man inquired.
“A what?”, asked Jenny.
He produced something the size and shape of a large coin, brightly illuminated despite the mediocre florescent lighting of the office, and laid it on the desk in front of Jenny. It bore a conspicuous © symbol.
Curious, Jenny reached out to examine it, only for it to slide away from her hand.
“Ah, you as well,” mused the Man in Gray. “I suspected it might be so.”
“Is that a magic trick?”, asked Dynamite Thor eagerly. “How does it work? Can I see?”
He reached for the token, which slid away from his hand as well. He tried herding it towards Jenny but that didn’t work either, and when he tried grabbing it quickly it wound up flying into the air, spinning in flight. It landed on the edge of the desk and bounced away, almost instantly out of sight somewhere in the office.
“Thor…”, Jenny sighed.
The Man in Gray contemplated Dynamite Thor, who was still searching the desk trying to figure out where the coin went. “Tell me, what do you do here?”
“I’m an intern!” Thor said proudly.
“And your duties?”
Thor considered the question and offered, “...I’m an intern?”
“Moving on from that,” Jenny said in the tone of someone already bored with idiocy, “is there something we can help you with?”
“Indeed,” said the Man in Gray. “Please inform your employer that I shall return at another time.”
“No problem, we’ll do that,” Jenny said, this time in the tone of someone who wasn’t being paid enough to give a monkey’s whether the visitor ever returned. “Have a nice day.”
“A day. Yes, perhaps.” The Man in Gray turned and departed from the room with a minimum of human expression.
“Was it just me?”, Dynamite Thor wondered. “Because it seemed to me the boss was acting funny just now.”
“Thor, that wasn’t the boss,” Jenny explained patiently. “It was just some other guy in grey with no fashion sense.”
“An impostor?”, Dynamite Thor cried. “Of course! I should have seen it before!”
“Not an impostor–”
“Don’t worry, Jenny!”, Thor interrupted. “I’ll get him!”
He rushed out the door in pursuit, already drawing a stick of dynamite from his belt.
Jenny sighed and slumped down in her chair, holding her head in her hands.
Off in the distance, something exploded.
On her desk, the red telephone rang again.
The character of Jenny Over-There is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Over-There, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.
Dynamite Thor is also a public domain character.
The Man in Gray is as public domain as the Man in Grey – if they’re different people at all, which you couldn’t prove by talking to Dynamite Thor.
This one presupposes familiarity with the Laura Drake who works for the Intelligence Taskforce and spends time with Jenny Cornelius.
Jenny Cornelius admits no knowledge of
Employee Training
by Scott Sanford
Sunday, 13 Aug 2023
Excerpt from an essay by L. Drake for the Intelligence Taskforce employee handbook:
When observing the people of interest to our work, one lesson quickly becomes clear: Nobody ever acquires all three qualities of a reasonable outlook on life, basic common sense, and the ability to turn the population of London into gerbils.
Our clients range from the eccentric to the deeply strange.
Those who are actively predatory upon others are to be dealt with directly. While dramatic, they do not occupy the majority of our time.
Our ongoing challenges are the ones who are happy to live among the rest of the population, and merely need occasional reminders that most people do not share their peculiar views of the world. A gentle hand is recommended.
Should you fail to master this, we will make sure you get fresh cedar shavings regularly and a little wheel to run in.
Read earlier shorts (2022), later shorts (2024, 2025), or check out the table of contents
The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.
You may enjoy other very short works, either earlier (2022) or later (2024, 2025).
Superb Owl (12 February 2023) It's an old and silly pun
A & E (24 Feb 2023) More silly word play, in the Nine-Two-Five universe
Employee Training (13 Aug 2023) What's Laura Drake been telling people?
(12 Feb 2023) This scene came to me in the car as I was driving home and I typed it out in a few minutes. Yes, it's a very old pun.
Superb Owl
by Scott Sanford
Sunday, 12 Feb 2023
Somewhere in America:
*shift!*
Jenny Everywhere appeared in Laura Drake’s bedroom, her goggles down over her eyes and her clothes in chaotic disarray. There were twigs and leaves in her hair and a large owl in her arms.
“Laura! Laura!”, she cried. “Look what I brought you!”
“What on Earth is that?”, Laura demanded.
“It’s an owl!”, Jenny explained with a grin. “For Superb Owl Sunday! I brought you an– *ack!*”
The owl wiggled out of Jenny’s grip and leapt into the air, knocking Jenny over onto Laura’s bed and flapping wildly around the room.
“Oh God look out!” Laura ducked under the confused bird and put her arms over her head.
The owl found the room’s open door and flew majestically out into the rest of the apartment.
“Aw, man, that was the best owl I could find…” Jenny sighed.
“Thank you?”, Laura ventured. A soft rain of feathers slowly settled to the floor around her. She sighed too. “We can do something later – but first, please help me get the owl out...”
In which I commit stupid word play again.
If you aren’t familiar with the Nine-Two-Five Universe, you’re welcome to read up on it at the link. Or not; you should be able to follow along either way.
A & E
by Scott Sanford
24 Feb 2023
The phone rang again, as it always did.
The woman answered it, as she always did.
“Hello?” She listened for a few moments and said, “It’s in your desk drawer.”
She hung up the phone.
Almost immediately it rang again.
“Hello, Multidimensional–” The person on the other end spoke, interrupting her.
“In your pocket,” she said, and hung up. “Idiot.”
As if summoned by the word, her only halfway worthwhile coworker burst into the room, thankfully through the door this time, and hurried over to her desk.
“Jenny!”, Dynamite Thor announced loudly, “I am going out to get lunch!”
He struck a heroic pose suitable for a superhero, an avocation from which he was supposed to be retired, looking very proud of himself. He was a striking figure, a broad shouldered man wearing a scarlet shirt bearing an explosion logo and utility belt laden with dynamite.
“Have fun,” said the woman, who had not been described.
“Don’t you want anything?”, Thor asked.
Jenny Over-there sighed listlessly, considering the possibilities.
“Hello,” said another voice. Unnoticed another person had arrived. He was a gray, unremarkable figure wearing a badly fitting gray suit. He was also someone who showed up at MFS despite not working there, which might be his only unusual quality.
“Can I… help you?”, Jenny ventured.
“It seems unlikely,” the colorless visitor intoned. “Few mortals linger for long so deep in the back rooms.”
“This is our main room, boss!”, Dynamite Thor said. “You remember, it’s where you put the phone.”
“I’m sure I did not,” said the stranger blandly.
“But… it’s right here…” Thor looked to be sure and found the red telephone on the desk where he expected it. He stood turned back to the drab visitor, confused.
“These are the offices of the Multidimensional Finders Service,” Jenny told the new arrival. “May I ask who you are?”
“You may call me the Man in Gray.”
“We know who you are, boss!”, Dynamite Thor told him, completely oblivious to the glare he got from Jenny.
“Are you aware that your employer has been operating without a Talisman of Restriction?”, the Gray Man inquired.
“A what?”, asked Jenny.
He produced something the size and shape of a large coin, brightly illuminated despite the mediocre florescent lighting of the office, and laid it on the desk in front of Jenny. It bore a conspicuous © symbol.
Curious, Jenny reached out to examine it, only for it to slide away from her hand.
“Ah, you as well,” mused the Man in Gray. “I suspected it might be so.”
“Is that a magic trick?”, asked Dynamite Thor eagerly. “How does it work? Can I see?”
He reached for the token, which slid away from his hand as well. He tried herding it towards Jenny but that didn’t work either, and when he tried grabbing it quickly it wound up flying into the air, spinning in flight. It landed on the edge of the desk and bounced away, almost instantly out of sight somewhere in the office.
“Thor…”, Jenny sighed.
The Man in Gray contemplated Dynamite Thor, who was still searching the desk trying to figure out where the coin went. “Tell me, what do you do here?”
“I’m an intern!” Thor said proudly.
“And your duties?”
Thor considered the question and offered, “...I’m an intern?”
“Moving on from that,” Jenny said in the tone of someone already bored with idiocy, “is there something we can help you with?”
“Indeed,” said the Man in Gray. “Please inform your employer that I shall return at another time.”
“No problem, we’ll do that,” Jenny said, this time in the tone of someone who wasn’t being paid enough to give a monkey’s whether the visitor ever returned. “Have a nice day.”
“A day. Yes, perhaps.” The Man in Gray turned and departed from the room with a minimum of human expression.
“Was it just me?”, Dynamite Thor wondered. “Because it seemed to me the boss was acting funny just now.”
“Thor, that wasn’t the boss,” Jenny explained patiently. “It was just some other guy in grey with no fashion sense.”
“An impostor?”, Dynamite Thor cried. “Of course! I should have seen it before!”
“Not an impostor–”
“Don’t worry, Jenny!”, Thor interrupted. “I’ll get him!”
He rushed out the door in pursuit, already drawing a stick of dynamite from his belt.
Jenny sighed and slumped down in her chair, holding her head in her hands.
Off in the distance, something exploded.
On her desk, the red telephone rang again.
Dynamite Thor is also a public domain character.
The Man in Gray is as public domain as the Man in Grey – if they’re different people at all, which you couldn’t prove by talking to Dynamite Thor.
This one presupposes familiarity with the Laura Drake who works for the Intelligence Taskforce and spends time with Jenny Cornelius.
Employee Training
by Scott Sanford
Sunday, 13 Aug 2023
Excerpt from an essay by L. Drake for the Intelligence Taskforce employee handbook:
When observing the people of interest to our work, one lesson quickly becomes clear: Nobody ever acquires all three qualities of a reasonable outlook on life, basic common sense, and the ability to turn the population of London into gerbils.
Our clients range from the eccentric to the deeply strange.
Those who are actively predatory upon others are to be dealt with directly. While dramatic, they do not occupy the majority of our time.
Our ongoing challenges are the ones who are happy to live among the rest of the population, and merely need occasional reminders that most people do not share their peculiar views of the world. A gentle hand is recommended.
Should you fail to master this, we will make sure you get fresh cedar shavings regularly and a little wheel to run in.
