Jenny Everywhere: Delusional Visions
Apr. 1st, 2024 01:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scott_sanfordIs it April First again already?
Why, so it is! While not actually an April Fool’s Day story like the one last year, people may also enjoy reading No, Not Whales, which is every bit as serious as this stuff.
But now, Eric meets someone new and Jenny Everywhere runs into an old friend.
Even young mad scientists need to go to school, and Eric feared he might be late. Gathering his things and rushing out the door, he was in such a hurry he didn’t look down to see the cat coming in the other way. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote that a wizard is never late, but arrives precisely when he means to; similarly a wizard’s cat arrives where it feels like going, with little care for human conventions, much like any other cat.
As Eric headed down the stairs to do human things, Thoth looked around the apartment with the self confident assurance that comes naturally to cats who live among humans. Hopping up onto a chair, he sniffed curiously at one of the several peculiar gadgets left out. Finding it inedible but temptingly close to the edge of the table, he batted it experimentally with one paw, and it fell gratifyingly to the carpet.
The non-canonical imagnizer beeped loudly and Thoth leapt down to confront the noisy box.
He prodded it a few more times with his paw. A bright light shone out and projected an image onto the far wall. Curious, Thoth curled up on the carpet to watch.
The credits rolled.
Jenny Everywhere is having Delusional Visions
by Scott Sanford; 1 April 2024
Eric, sometimes known as Professor Awesome, was at home idly doodling an electromagnetic salamander cannon when he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Hello?,” came a voice. “Eric, are you home? It’s me, Jenny Everywhere.”
“Yeah, I’m here. Hold on.” Something sounded odd about her voice but he went to the door and opened it.
The woman there was not his neighbor – or maybe she was. She was dressed as Jenny Everywhere did, with the goggles and the eclectic fashion sense, but the woman wearing them was well-curved and dark-skinned, not at all the small Asian neighbor he was expecting. For a moment he wondered if Jenny had had some bizarre shapeshifting accident.
“Hi! You must be Eric, you look familiar,” she told him.
“Uh, yeah,” he agreed, realizing that this was another Jenny, from another universe. That made more sense; this wasn’t the first time another Jenny had come visiting.
“Nice to meet you, sort of. I know, you know the local me already. Anyway, I’m here because you’re spending time with Sophie and someone decided you guys needed to have a man to man talk. Man to man? Man to male? Boy to whatever? Never mind.” She shrugged and said, “Anyway, I’ll be around; I’m going to go grab something to eat. You guys have fun!”
“...what?”
“Hey, am I remembering right that there’s a burger place next door?”
“Yeah, go down the stairs and outside, you’ll see it.” He wasn’t sure what he should be expecting from an extra dimensional encounter but this wasn’t it.
“Great! Where I live there are no good hamburgers.”
She smiled and turned to leave, leaving him mystified. Only then did he look past her and realize the hall contained a towering mass of writhing tentacles.
He yelped in surprise and stepped back, but on second thought he knew that this wasn’t the right reaction. He trusted the Jenny he knew, he could probably trust another Jenny, and she’d said he needed to talk to someone – and on top of the pile of tentacles was a tall red hat! He’d seen this before. A very nice girl named Sophie had given him a plushie of… whatever this was.
It was much, much more disturbing in real life, even with the fancy hat.
“𝕴 𝖔𝖋𝖋𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖔𝖈𝖎𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘,” proclaimed a voice like screeching brakes and angry cats.
“Um, hello?”, he said nervously. “I, uh, did I meet you before? Outside this universe?”
“𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖎𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝖜𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖙, 𝖇𝖔𝖙𝖍 𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖆𝖇𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖙𝖊 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊,” the tentacle creature said. “𝕿𝖗𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖒𝖊, 𝕴 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖘𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘.”
“Okay, if you say so.” It sounded like it knew what it was talking about and Eric had no intention of arguing. Its single great eye flared brightly for an instant and retreated momentarily into the tentacles.
“𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖙 𝕿𝖍𝖞𝖒𝖔𝖓,” it observed. “𝕾𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖘𝖙.”
“Oh, yes!”, Eric agreed, relieved. “It told me I shouldn’t be out of my universe yet and that I’d see Sophie soon enough. I did stay here, too!”
“𝖄𝖊𝖘. 𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖘 𝖓𝖔 𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖆 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖗𝖓. 𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖒𝖆𝖞 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖑 𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖍. 𝕭𝖚𝖙 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖊?” Some tentacles produced a small, incongruously normal looking piece of paper and held it up to the creature’s single eye. “𝕬𝖍. 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘. 𝕬 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙. 𝕳𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔. 𝕴 𝖆𝖒 𝕿𝖍𝖞𝖒𝖔𝖓.”
“Hello, Thymon. I’m Eric Whittaker. Sometimes called Professor Awesome, but you can just call me Eric. Eric is good.” He wasn’t sure if he’d heard that right; this was Thymon but the giant thing he’d seen was also Thymon? It didn’t seem like the right time to ask.
“𝕰𝖗𝖎𝖈 𝖎𝖘 𝖆𝖈𝖈𝖊𝖕𝖙𝖆𝖇𝖑𝖊,” it said. “𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖘 𝖙𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖒𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝕻𝖗𝖔𝖋𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖔𝖗 𝕬𝖜𝖊𝖘𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖆𝖘 𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖑. 𝕸𝖆𝖞 𝕴 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖎𝖓?”
“What?”
The thing – Thymon – flowed bonelessly into the apartment, and Eric stepped back to make room. He was reminded of octopuses swimming; it was big but didn’t seem to weigh anything. Something about the way the tentacles writhed made Eric unsure that they were solid and obeying conventional three dimensional geometries.
(He would be fascinated with how that worked if he wasn’t having to be social, and if he were observing from a safe distance.)
“𝕴 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖘 𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖞. 𝕳𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖘 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖘𝖆𝖎𝖉 𝖒𝖚𝖈𝖍 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖇𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓. 𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖒𝖚𝖈𝖍 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖆𝖞 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝖈𝖞𝖈𝖑𝖊,” Thymon observed. “𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖎𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖕𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊’𝖘 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖙.”
“We’re both teenagers, yes. It’s, um, kind of a thing for humans.”
“𝕴 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝖇𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖉𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝕭𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌,” Thymon told him. “𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓 𝖙𝖔 𝖋𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙, 𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖗 𝖓𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊, 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙, 𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖗 𝖓𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊, 𝖙𝖔 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞.”
“That’s… a good point?”, Eric guessed.
“𝕴𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖚𝖗𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓?”
“What shotgun?”
“𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓 𝖜𝖍𝖎𝖈𝖍 𝕴 𝖆𝖒 𝖘𝖚𝖕𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚.”
Thymon’s many tentacles writhed near the center of his body and he extruded a double barreled shotgun from a body that was absolutely not broad enough to hold a meter long shotgun horizontally.
“𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖚𝖑𝖙𝖎𝖕𝖑𝖊 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘,” Thymon said, extending the weapon stock-first towards Eric, who didn’t really want it.
Without warning it gave a loud *BANG* and discharged itself into the towering mass of tentacles holding it.
“𝕺𝖍 𝖒𝖞. 𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖘 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖉.” Thymon examined the gun curiously, without any sign of alarm.
Eric thought he’d seen several tendrils blown off, but there were none to be seen on the floor and no blood. (Did Thymon even have blood? He couldn’t guess.) He said, “That, uh, that isn’t necessary… I don’t think I need a shotgun.”
“𝕹𝖔? 𝕳𝖒. 𝕴 𝖒𝖆𝖉𝖊 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖘.”
The tentacles produced the piece of paper again, and once more Eric didn’t see where it came from.
Thymon pondered his notes and mumbled, “(𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗, 𝖇𝖔𝖞𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉, 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓… 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞?)”, in a quiet voice that sounded like a tape recording played sideways. He put away the note card.
“𝕴 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝕴 𝖒𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖎𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖙𝖔 𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊. 𝕴 𝖉𝖔 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖜𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖉𝖔 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓.”
“Nothing!”, Eric said quickly. “We don’t need to to do anything with it!”
“𝕺𝖍. 𝕮𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖎𝖆𝖑 𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖞.” Thymon examined the gun again, then lifted it up and stated, “𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓 𝖍𝖆𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖊𝖊𝖓. 𝕮𝖚𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖒 𝖎𝖘 𝖔𝖇𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖛𝖊𝖉.”
“Y-yes?”
“𝕰𝖝𝖈𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖙. 𝖂𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖈𝖚𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖒.” Thymon lowered his tentacles and the shotgun retreated into the writhing mass, disappearing into an interior which did not look as if it had nearly enough room.
“𝕴 𝖆𝖒 𝖙𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖆𝖉𝖊 𝖈𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖈𝖊𝖘,” Thymon observed.
“Oh, yeah! I’m, uh, kind of known for it around here.”
“𝕸𝖆𝖞 𝕴 𝖘𝖊𝖊 𝖘𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒?”, he asked.
“Sure!” Eric grinned in relief. He still didn’t understand why this eldritch abomination had been delivered to him but anyone who wanted to see his toys couldn’t be planning anything that bad… “Um, would you like to see my robo-spiders? I like the stochastic photon homoginizer because it’s kind of clever, but it’s not very useful…”
“𝕮𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝖎𝖘 𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖇𝖑𝖊. 𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝖕𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖑𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖈𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗, 𝖆𝖑𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍 𝖚𝖓𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖊.”
“What? How did she know about that?”
“𝕴 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖍𝖊𝖗.”
“I will tell her? But –”
.... * LOW BATTERY *
The universe flickered around them.
“How did she know about that?”
“𝕴 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖍𝖊𝖗.”
“I will tell her? But –”
.... * LOW BATTERY *
“Hey, it's in the middle of a story! Come on!”, Thoth objected. He flattened his ears and whacked the imaginzer with a paw.
The images on the wall flickered again, blanked out, and reappeared showing a new scene of two women walking down a city street.
“Okay, now what?”
“I love seeing London again,” one of the women remarked as they made their way along the pavement.
“Oh, yeah, it’s great,” agreed the other. “Though, Kim... You do remember how to do the whole pounds, shillings, and pence thing, right?”
“I think so,” she said. “It hasn’t been that long, Jenny, even if our world did get to decimalization eventually.”
“Oh, good.”
“I’m sure I can manage to make change in a shop or pub though… Oh!” Kim smiled, struck with an idea. “If we get into the City there’s a pub I liked near St. Paul’s, behind St. Mary-le-Bow. There might be, anyway; it survived the Blitz in our world. Or, what was the one near your other self’s place? The John Snow?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jenny said with a shrug. “We can do both!”
They were paying no attention to the street furniture until the door of a phone booth opened and a man stepped out just in time to collide with Jenny Everywhere.
“Sorry!”, they both said, then stopped and gaped at the other.
“You again!?”, they both blurted in unison.
The two looked at each other with identical surprised expressions.
“What are you doing here?”, asked Jenny and the strange man, still in comedic unison.
“Oh, no, we’re not doing this again,” Kim interjected, stepping in between them. “You, back in the box. Give us five minutes. Jenny, you’re with me.”
“What? I haven’t seen her in ages,” the strange man alleged. He gave Kim an odd look and added, “Or you, for that matter…”
“Write her a letter,” Kim retorted. “If you’re here there’s going to be a monster from outer space or mad robots or something even stranger around, and you’ll see to it more quickly if you’re not distracted. We’re supposed to be on vacation.”
“Hold on, why do you think there’s going to be a space monster?”, Jenny asked.
“The last three times one of you ran into him, how often was there a space monster?”, Kim asked pointedly.
“Uh, three, but– No, two! Two. The dinosaur was a time traveler.” Jenny didn’t sound sure.
“I stand by my prediction of space monsters,” Kim said.
“You do have a point…”, Jenny conceded thoughtfully, as if this had only now occurred to her.
Meanwhile the stranger was giving Kim a curious look.
“Hold on now, I remember you! How did you get to the 20th century?”
“How did you?”, Kim retorted.
“Me? I –” The man glanced back at the telephone box and changed course to, “I asked you first.”
“You two really do know each other,” Jenny said.
“John Smith? Oh, yes, we’ve met!”
“John Smith?”, Jenny echoed, then looked at the man and asked pointedly, “Who is ‘John Smith’?”
“I will explain later,” John Smith claimed.
“That was the name he was using when I ran into him the first time,” Kim said.
“Yes, and it was quite a while back,” John Smith observed. “I have some questions about that.”
“You’re welcome to write me a letter, too. I’m on vacation, I’ll remind you. If you’re not here for something that needs my attention, then you’d best push off. Somewhere there’s a monster that needs seeing to.”
“Interesting you should stay that,” John Smith said, leaning in with interest. “Do you know anything about a
.... * LOW BATTERY *
The bright rectangle on the wall faded and shrank to nothing.
“What?”
Thoth reared up indignantly and batted the non-canonical imaginizer with his paw. Nothing more happened.
“Hmph,” he said. “Well, it was boring anyway.”
He sniffed the device, which smelled of warm plastic, and was apparently not edible. He gnawed one corner just in case, but no.
Giving up on the thing, he curled up comfortably on the floor and went to sleep.
Read other Jenny Everywhere stories
To be continued in Again, Delusional Visions for all we know!
Sophie really needs to have a talk with Eric about her family. Right now Eric has no idea and sooner or later it's going to become important. That's going to be a very interesting discussion. Maybe she'd better start with her mom.
How did Kim first meet that guy, anyway? Who is John Smith?
It's probably not important.
The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.
Why, so it is! While not actually an April Fool’s Day story like the one last year, people may also enjoy reading No, Not Whales, which is every bit as serious as this stuff.
But now, Eric meets someone new and Jenny Everywhere runs into an old friend.
Even young mad scientists need to go to school, and Eric feared he might be late. Gathering his things and rushing out the door, he was in such a hurry he didn’t look down to see the cat coming in the other way. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote that a wizard is never late, but arrives precisely when he means to; similarly a wizard’s cat arrives where it feels like going, with little care for human conventions, much like any other cat.
As Eric headed down the stairs to do human things, Thoth looked around the apartment with the self confident assurance that comes naturally to cats who live among humans. Hopping up onto a chair, he sniffed curiously at one of the several peculiar gadgets left out. Finding it inedible but temptingly close to the edge of the table, he batted it experimentally with one paw, and it fell gratifyingly to the carpet.
The non-canonical imagnizer beeped loudly and Thoth leapt down to confront the noisy box.
He prodded it a few more times with his paw. A bright light shone out and projected an image onto the far wall. Curious, Thoth curled up on the carpet to watch.
The credits rolled.
by Scott Sanford; 1 April 2024
Eric, sometimes known as Professor Awesome, was at home idly doodling an electromagnetic salamander cannon when he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Hello?,” came a voice. “Eric, are you home? It’s me, Jenny Everywhere.”
“Yeah, I’m here. Hold on.” Something sounded odd about her voice but he went to the door and opened it.
The woman there was not his neighbor – or maybe she was. She was dressed as Jenny Everywhere did, with the goggles and the eclectic fashion sense, but the woman wearing them was well-curved and dark-skinned, not at all the small Asian neighbor he was expecting. For a moment he wondered if Jenny had had some bizarre shapeshifting accident.
“Hi! You must be Eric, you look familiar,” she told him.
“Uh, yeah,” he agreed, realizing that this was another Jenny, from another universe. That made more sense; this wasn’t the first time another Jenny had come visiting.
“Nice to meet you, sort of. I know, you know the local me already. Anyway, I’m here because you’re spending time with Sophie and someone decided you guys needed to have a man to man talk. Man to man? Man to male? Boy to whatever? Never mind.” She shrugged and said, “Anyway, I’ll be around; I’m going to go grab something to eat. You guys have fun!”
“...what?”
“Hey, am I remembering right that there’s a burger place next door?”
“Yeah, go down the stairs and outside, you’ll see it.” He wasn’t sure what he should be expecting from an extra dimensional encounter but this wasn’t it.
“Great! Where I live there are no good hamburgers.”
She smiled and turned to leave, leaving him mystified. Only then did he look past her and realize the hall contained a towering mass of writhing tentacles.
He yelped in surprise and stepped back, but on second thought he knew that this wasn’t the right reaction. He trusted the Jenny he knew, he could probably trust another Jenny, and she’d said he needed to talk to someone – and on top of the pile of tentacles was a tall red hat! He’d seen this before. A very nice girl named Sophie had given him a plushie of… whatever this was.
It was much, much more disturbing in real life, even with the fancy hat.
“𝕴 𝖔𝖋𝖋𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖔𝖈𝖎𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘,” proclaimed a voice like screeching brakes and angry cats.
“Um, hello?”, he said nervously. “I, uh, did I meet you before? Outside this universe?”
“𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖎𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝖜𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖙, 𝖇𝖔𝖙𝖍 𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖆𝖇𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖙𝖊 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊,” the tentacle creature said. “𝕿𝖗𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖒𝖊, 𝕴 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖘𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘.”
“Okay, if you say so.” It sounded like it knew what it was talking about and Eric had no intention of arguing. Its single great eye flared brightly for an instant and retreated momentarily into the tentacles.
“𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖙 𝕿𝖍𝖞𝖒𝖔𝖓,” it observed. “𝕾𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖘𝖙.”
“Oh, yes!”, Eric agreed, relieved. “It told me I shouldn’t be out of my universe yet and that I’d see Sophie soon enough. I did stay here, too!”
“𝖄𝖊𝖘. 𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖘 𝖓𝖔 𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖆 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖗𝖓. 𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖒𝖆𝖞 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖑 𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖍. 𝕭𝖚𝖙 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖊?” Some tentacles produced a small, incongruously normal looking piece of paper and held it up to the creature’s single eye. “𝕬𝖍. 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘. 𝕬 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙. 𝕳𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔. 𝕴 𝖆𝖒 𝕿𝖍𝖞𝖒𝖔𝖓.”
“Hello, Thymon. I’m Eric Whittaker. Sometimes called Professor Awesome, but you can just call me Eric. Eric is good.” He wasn’t sure if he’d heard that right; this was Thymon but the giant thing he’d seen was also Thymon? It didn’t seem like the right time to ask.
“𝕰𝖗𝖎𝖈 𝖎𝖘 𝖆𝖈𝖈𝖊𝖕𝖙𝖆𝖇𝖑𝖊,” it said. “𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖘 𝖙𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖒𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝕻𝖗𝖔𝖋𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖔𝖗 𝕬𝖜𝖊𝖘𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖆𝖘 𝖜𝖊𝖑𝖑. 𝕸𝖆𝖞 𝕴 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖎𝖓?”
“What?”
The thing – Thymon – flowed bonelessly into the apartment, and Eric stepped back to make room. He was reminded of octopuses swimming; it was big but didn’t seem to weigh anything. Something about the way the tentacles writhed made Eric unsure that they were solid and obeying conventional three dimensional geometries.
(He would be fascinated with how that worked if he wasn’t having to be social, and if he were observing from a safe distance.)
“𝕴 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖘 𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖞. 𝕳𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖘 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖘𝖆𝖎𝖉 𝖒𝖚𝖈𝖍 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖇𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓. 𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖒𝖚𝖈𝖍 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖆𝖞 𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝖈𝖞𝖈𝖑𝖊,” Thymon observed. “𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖎𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖕𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊’𝖘 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖙.”
“We’re both teenagers, yes. It’s, um, kind of a thing for humans.”
“𝕴 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝖇𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖉𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝕭𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌,” Thymon told him. “𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖜𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓 𝖙𝖔 𝖋𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙, 𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖗 𝖓𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊, 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙, 𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖗 𝖓𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊, 𝖙𝖔 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞.”
“That’s… a good point?”, Eric guessed.
“𝕴𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖚𝖗𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓?”
“What shotgun?”
“𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓 𝖜𝖍𝖎𝖈𝖍 𝕴 𝖆𝖒 𝖘𝖚𝖕𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚.”
Thymon’s many tentacles writhed near the center of his body and he extruded a double barreled shotgun from a body that was absolutely not broad enough to hold a meter long shotgun horizontally.
“𝕿𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖚𝖑𝖙𝖎𝖕𝖑𝖊 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘,” Thymon said, extending the weapon stock-first towards Eric, who didn’t really want it.
Without warning it gave a loud *BANG* and discharged itself into the towering mass of tentacles holding it.
“𝕺𝖍 𝖒𝖞. 𝕿𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖘 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖉.” Thymon examined the gun curiously, without any sign of alarm.
Eric thought he’d seen several tendrils blown off, but there were none to be seen on the floor and no blood. (Did Thymon even have blood? He couldn’t guess.) He said, “That, uh, that isn’t necessary… I don’t think I need a shotgun.”
“𝕹𝖔? 𝕳𝖒. 𝕴 𝖒𝖆𝖉𝖊 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖘.”
The tentacles produced the piece of paper again, and once more Eric didn’t see where it came from.
Thymon pondered his notes and mumbled, “(𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗, 𝖇𝖔𝖞𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉, 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓… 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖞?)”, in a quiet voice that sounded like a tape recording played sideways. He put away the note card.
“𝕴 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝕴 𝖒𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖎𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖙𝖔 𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊. 𝕴 𝖉𝖔 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖜𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖉𝖔 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓.”
“Nothing!”, Eric said quickly. “We don’t need to to do anything with it!”
“𝕺𝖍. 𝕮𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖎𝖆𝖑 𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖞.” Thymon examined the gun again, then lifted it up and stated, “𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖌𝖚𝖓 𝖍𝖆𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖊𝖊𝖓. 𝕮𝖚𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖒 𝖎𝖘 𝖔𝖇𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖛𝖊𝖉.”
“Y-yes?”
“𝕰𝖝𝖈𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖙. 𝖂𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓 𝖈𝖚𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖒.” Thymon lowered his tentacles and the shotgun retreated into the writhing mass, disappearing into an interior which did not look as if it had nearly enough room.
“𝕴 𝖆𝖒 𝖙𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖆𝖉𝖊 𝖈𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖈𝖊𝖘,” Thymon observed.
“Oh, yeah! I’m, uh, kind of known for it around here.”
“𝕸𝖆𝖞 𝕴 𝖘𝖊𝖊 𝖘𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒?”, he asked.
“Sure!” Eric grinned in relief. He still didn’t understand why this eldritch abomination had been delivered to him but anyone who wanted to see his toys couldn’t be planning anything that bad… “Um, would you like to see my robo-spiders? I like the stochastic photon homoginizer because it’s kind of clever, but it’s not very useful…”
“𝕮𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝖎𝖘 𝖆𝖉𝖒𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖇𝖑𝖊. 𝕾𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝖕𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖑𝖊 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞 𝖈𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗, 𝖆𝖑𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖌𝖍 𝖚𝖓𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖊.”
“What? How did she know about that?”
“𝕴 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖍𝖊𝖗.”
“I will tell her? But –”
.... * LOW BATTERY *
The universe flickered around them.
“How did she know about that?”
“𝕴 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖍𝖊𝖗.”
“I will tell her? But –”
.... * LOW BATTERY *
“Hey, it's in the middle of a story! Come on!”, Thoth objected. He flattened his ears and whacked the imaginzer with a paw.
The images on the wall flickered again, blanked out, and reappeared showing a new scene of two women walking down a city street.
“Okay, now what?”
“I love seeing London again,” one of the women remarked as they made their way along the pavement.
“Oh, yeah, it’s great,” agreed the other. “Though, Kim... You do remember how to do the whole pounds, shillings, and pence thing, right?”
“I think so,” she said. “It hasn’t been that long, Jenny, even if our world did get to decimalization eventually.”
“Oh, good.”
“I’m sure I can manage to make change in a shop or pub though… Oh!” Kim smiled, struck with an idea. “If we get into the City there’s a pub I liked near St. Paul’s, behind St. Mary-le-Bow. There might be, anyway; it survived the Blitz in our world. Or, what was the one near your other self’s place? The John Snow?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jenny said with a shrug. “We can do both!”
They were paying no attention to the street furniture until the door of a phone booth opened and a man stepped out just in time to collide with Jenny Everywhere.
“Sorry!”, they both said, then stopped and gaped at the other.
“You again!?”, they both blurted in unison.
The two looked at each other with identical surprised expressions.
“What are you doing here?”, asked Jenny and the strange man, still in comedic unison.
“Oh, no, we’re not doing this again,” Kim interjected, stepping in between them. “You, back in the box. Give us five minutes. Jenny, you’re with me.”
“What? I haven’t seen her in ages,” the strange man alleged. He gave Kim an odd look and added, “Or you, for that matter…”
“Write her a letter,” Kim retorted. “If you’re here there’s going to be a monster from outer space or mad robots or something even stranger around, and you’ll see to it more quickly if you’re not distracted. We’re supposed to be on vacation.”
“Hold on, why do you think there’s going to be a space monster?”, Jenny asked.
“The last three times one of you ran into him, how often was there a space monster?”, Kim asked pointedly.
“Uh, three, but– No, two! Two. The dinosaur was a time traveler.” Jenny didn’t sound sure.
“I stand by my prediction of space monsters,” Kim said.
“You do have a point…”, Jenny conceded thoughtfully, as if this had only now occurred to her.
Meanwhile the stranger was giving Kim a curious look.
“Hold on now, I remember you! How did you get to the 20th century?”
“How did you?”, Kim retorted.
“Me? I –” The man glanced back at the telephone box and changed course to, “I asked you first.”
“You two really do know each other,” Jenny said.
“John Smith? Oh, yes, we’ve met!”
“John Smith?”, Jenny echoed, then looked at the man and asked pointedly, “Who is ‘John Smith’?”
“I will explain later,” John Smith claimed.
“That was the name he was using when I ran into him the first time,” Kim said.
“Yes, and it was quite a while back,” John Smith observed. “I have some questions about that.”
“You’re welcome to write me a letter, too. I’m on vacation, I’ll remind you. If you’re not here for something that needs my attention, then you’d best push off. Somewhere there’s a monster that needs seeing to.”
“Interesting you should stay that,” John Smith said, leaning in with interest. “Do you know anything about a
.... * LOW BATTERY *
The bright rectangle on the wall faded and shrank to nothing.
“What?”
Thoth reared up indignantly and batted the non-canonical imaginizer with his paw. Nothing more happened.
“Hmph,” he said. “Well, it was boring anyway.”
He sniffed the device, which smelled of warm plastic, and was apparently not edible. He gnawed one corner just in case, but no.
Giving up on the thing, he curled up comfortably on the floor and went to sleep.
To be continued in Again, Delusional Visions for all we know!
Sophie really needs to have a talk with Eric about her family. Right now Eric has no idea and sooner or later it's going to become important. That's going to be a very interesting discussion. Maybe she'd better start with her mom.
How did Kim first meet that guy, anyway? Who is John Smith?
It's probably not important.
The character of Lord Thymon belongs to Aristide Twain, who I hope will enjoy this depiction of the Embodiment Emeritus of Time in the Void Between Worlds.
“John Smith” is a very common name.The pubs mentioned, the John Snow (named after the famous cholera doctor) and the Ye Olde Watling (patronized by Christopher Wren as he rebuilt St. Paul’s Cathedral), are real places in our world as well.
